It is all very exciting.  Everything is practically a "first" around here these days.  It started with the "first" time she grabbed at the toys dangling down in front of her.  Then it was the first time she smiled, the first time she "kicked the monkey", her first snow, the first time she rolled onto her side.  Now we've moved on to sitting upright in the high chair, getting a first laugh - although we're still waiting for a real laugh that doesn't leave us wondering - and at last, the first time she realized she had FEET, and that they are attached.  We even took her swimming for the first time this weekend. 

Linnea's 4 month birthday was two days ago, and she's just a little ball of joy now.  We really love getting to know her, and I only wish we had more time to be with  each other.  We've got a plethora of new videos that I finally put together this weekend. Mostly for the grandparents who are willing to endure baby video, but also for any of our friends that need a break from work.  Oh, and these photos were just too cute not to pass on. 

First Snows for the Baby from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.

Linnea Was Born to Run from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.

4 Months Old from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.

Baby Finds Her Feet from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.

The week after Christmas, our family got what felt like the plague.  It started with a common sinus cold with all 3 of us and moved into a fever for Miguel and Linnea.  With all 3 of us sick at the same time, but me the least "sick", I was up all night with Linnea who couldn't breathe through her nose.  It is so sad to have such a little being that only wants to suck on her pacifier to go to sleep - since she hasn't slept all day - and she can't breathe with it in her mouth.  Luckily the sickness didn't hit until we were back from our 3 hour drive to my mom's house.  The next week, however, was painful for all of us.  http://www.heatherandmiguel.com/admin/Pages/Add_entry.aspx?id=12e30223-0b85-4ef6-95cf-632e934b6042

I thought I had evaded the fever portion of the cold, but alas, come Tuesday evening, I was shiverring with a temperature of 102.  I wanted to be chipper because Miguel's brother Chris was visiting for a week, but I had lost my voice by dinnertime, and I felt like I'd been rolled flat by a steamroller.  I went home and immediately got in a scalding hot bath to get warm.  I tried to sleep, but still woke up to feed Linnea who was a snot bundle herself.  Nursing with a stuffy nose is tricky and generally un-fun for all involved.  A couple days later, Linnea and I both had laryngitis - and if you've ever seen an infant with a silent cry, it is super duper sad.  She was trying so hard to scream and yell and tears were rolling down her cheeks, but nothing was coming out.  It reminded me of those dreams I sometimes get where I'm terrified that the bad guy is going to attack me and when I yell, nothing comes out of my mouth - terrifying.  

It is now the second week of January, and the snot-monster hangs on.  Linnea will be so peacefully falling to sleep when all of a sudden, slurp gurgle grr comes out of her - trying to breathe through her nose.  This startles her awake and often at a crying stage.  It is just like that piece of spinach you see on your friends tooth, and you just wish you could wipe it away as they're in the middle of this wonderful story - but you leave it there as to not interrupt.  We want so badly to stick that little plunger up her nostril and slurp out a big green snot-monster; it should be that easy.  However, EVERY time we broke down and actually tried it, all we got was an empty plunger and a pissed off Linnea.  Even with all the times we've tried and failed, when it happens again, we have to fight the urge to squeegee with the plunger tooth-and-nail, and sometimes the urge wins out.  "If we could just get that one glob of snot out, she'll fall right asleep", we tell ourselves - over and over again.  The last several nights, I've resorted to just laying her on her side - and hoping she'll breathe out of the clear side.  If that doesn't work, she gets to sleep between us in the bed - which miraculously works most of the time.  Hmmm is this legitimate snot or some sort of ploy to get into the big bed?  Regardless, once this snot session is over, I'm looking forward to that gentle breathing sound once more. 

Today marks the last day of my first "Boot Camp".  I really enjoyed the class, and surprisingly the 5:30am start time wasn't much of an issue.  About 90% of the mornings I was already half awake nursing Linnea, so jumping into some workout clothes and heading to a boxing gym wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  I kind of liked coming home at 6:45, ready to see Linnea and start the day.  Every once in awhile she'd go to sleep for an hour after we ate breakfast, and I'd catch a little cat nap before work. 

I'm finding that the scheduling has become the biggest issue - time management.  I have an overarching feeling that I'm always rushing to do the next thing.  Rushing to work, rushing to get home to feed the kiddo, rushing to eat dinner and get ready for bed before the last feeding of the night.  The only time I'm not rushing is when I'm feeding Linnea.  

Now I'm starting on a night run with Bethany and whomever wants to join us.  This is going to be a trick.  Rush home, change my clothes, feed Linnea, and I'm out the door.  I want to start taking a boxing class or cross fit class, but all too soon I'm realizing that the only hours I'm spending with Linnea are on weekends and briefly in the morning.  Otherwise she's eating, fussing or sleeping.  Argh.  Miguel and I are trying to figure out a sustainabe schedule, but it's a big change not to be able to workout together anymore, and neither of us is getting the same amount of exercise as we used to.  

And to boot, I NEED the workouts.  I could use 2 running nights AND the kickboxing and cross fit.  Not to mention a mountain bike ride again someday.  I gained about 25 pounds during the pregnancy and I lost about 10 right after the birth.  Somehow with 6 weeks of boot camp behind me, a pretty typical "Heather" diet, and even some runs here and there, I'm still hainging onto the 15 lbs I had 3 months ago.  I'm giving myself 3 more months and that weight had better disappear so I can start wearing OTHER pants again.  

Luckily Linnea continues to be cute.  She's worth all this trouble, so I'm not to bothered by it.  She started pulling my hair 3 days ago.  This might sound like a negative, but it really is a sign of progression.  She's actively and regularly grabbing things now.  Toys, rings, papers, and her very cute stuffed and cuddly puppy dog.  She does manage to turn her beaming smile off when the cameras come out, but if you were to see her in person, your heart would melt with her giant grins.

I think I'll sign up for the next boot camp.  I'm up to 5 pullups and I need at least another 5 before I'll consider myself "back in shape" - I despise that phrase.  And frisbee!  Frisbee will once again be in my repoitoire.    We're also redesigning the gym website, so at least this next series of Boot Camp classes will be paid for, and I have no excuses.  Bring it on.

Oh, and I had to include this super cute photo of Mocha.  She keeps an eye out for the times when we forget to pick up Linnea's Boppy (moon-shaped pillow) off the couch - if it is unattended, she moves in.  Look how sweetly she has plugged herself right into the Mocha-sized hole in the center.  14 years old, still lookin' great, and always a little stinker.  Way to go Mocha!

This is going to be our first week without a dinner train.  For two whole months, our network of friends has sustained our dinner needs and many of our lunches.  Today marks the first weekday when we'll have to feed ourselves.

We've gone in with Andy and Katie on a "nanny share".  We interviewed several contestants and have chosen one lucky lady to watch our two little babies for a few hours each day.  It's a bit of a "letting go" feeling to shut the door behind me without a family member watching over Linnea.  It takes a lot of trust and will power, that first time especially.  Lucky for us the sitter we've had so far has been top notch and Linnea has been pretty good during the afternoons.  So far, no complaints on either side.  

Last week, I got my first real smile when I came home from work, like she was actually happy to see me.  It only happened once, but it was pretty special.

She's starting to make little cooing noises now after she finishes eating and she's in a good mood.  Sometimes we're not sure if it is an "on the verge of crying" noise, but if she smiles afterwards, it's really cute.  Sometimes she's not happy with our choice of comforting technique and we know it because she pulls out her Nazgul noises - those servants of Sauron in Lord of the Rings.  Our little Nazgul is the cutest of them all.  Her smiles are humongous, they light up the room and make you feel like you're doing the right thing, but they're also like Doritos - in that the more you get, the more you want.

Last night we had our first concern that she may have an ear infection.  She just didn't want to nurse on the left side and she screamed and screamed.  We tried bouncing and rocking and singing, and just couldn't figure it out, because she seemed hungry.  Then as a last ditch effort, I tried the right side.  She nursed contentedly for 20 minutes.  So then I went from being worried that she had a fever, an uncomfortable diaper, or hated my breastmilk - to worring that she didn't want to lay on her right side because of an ear infection.  It's probably neither, but what a pain in the butt to keep worrying like I'm walking a tightrope.  It feels like there is a thin happy go lucky path we can take, but fall to either side and all hell breaks loose.

I went shopping this weekend with Mom and Linnea.  Linnea probably broke her record for sleeping time - almost 5 hours!  She loves the hustle and bustle in the background.  They've got a ton of brightly colored outfits for sale these days.  I'm trying to stay away from anything pastel for this kid, so we found lots of cute little outfits.  We figured that she'd wake up when we put her back in the car, so we risked getting this photo with Santa.  Mom is a sucker for Santa photos, and obviously this is the real Santa.  Linnea was in true form with the rest of of her photos, as you can see.

I've fallen in love with the little curl of hair on top of her head that stands straight up about an inch.  Someday it will grow out, and it makes me realize how all the little things I notice about her are going to fade away.  I'm afraid that I'm going to forget them.  

She loves the wind.  When we go outside, she quiets down so she can hear the trees and the traffic.  She shuts her eyes.

I call her kiddo, babes, LE and LE-Meister and she laughs when I give her a friendly snarl. 

This weekend I took on the task of going to Costco with Linnea.  I noticed as I was driving along in the heavy traffic on the way there, that my grip on the steering wheel was tightening and my heart was beating a little faster than usual.  In my head I was playing out all the scenarios I could think of involving me and a crying baby in the middle of the store.  People staring and gawking and shaking their heads saying "shut that kid up".  Me frantically trying to shhh and bounce, while spit-up came spewing out of her mouth all over the floor.  I'm stuck in the middle of a long line of people with overflowing baskets....and the person in front of me is trying to use a coupon that doesn't work and she only has a VISA credit card, which Costco doesn't accept....

I pull the car into the parking lot, planning a spot good for a quick get-away.  As I'm carrying Linnea in her carseat and feeling my shaking legs, I see a woman coming out of the store.  She's totally cool headed, like she's practically by herself, BUT she's got a baske full of stuff, two boys that look 3 and 4 years old tugging on the cart, and a baby in a baby sling.  What?  People do this with more than one?  Inconceivable.  I head to the desk to make a return of a shirt that was too small, and luckily there are only 3 people ahead of me.  Linnea is quiet "for now" I think, and I slowly put her into a gentle rocking motion.  She's totally silent.  She sucks on her pacifier like a good little girl.  Still, I play out the worst scenarios I can think of - just in case.

This is obvoiusly something I'm going to have to get over.  I can't go around for the rest of Linnea's childhood a nervous wreck - especially if she's going to continue being so good.  Yes, GOOD.  That's what I said.  For the entire trip to Costco, she slept in her carseat as I pushed her around in the cart.  We even stopped by Fred Meyer on the way home and loaded a full cart with groceries, and she slept.  Quiet as a mouse.  Then, we went to a small party with 7 other couples and their babies (a reunion with our Bradley Method class), and aside from a brief period of crying, she was a little princess.  She laid on her back in a little play mat with dangling toys for almost 30 minutes!  Fully awake and just looking at people's knees, the furniture, and the other babies.  You can even see in the video below that she's got total self-composure until she realizes shes being squished from both sides.  As an aside, I had no idea that 6 babies on a couch would be so adorable.

So far, she obvoiusly doesn't warrant the clammy hands and racing heartbeat I get before embarking into a public place indoors.  It will happen, however, I know it will.  One day I'll be in an enclosed area with no quick getaway and I'll have a crying baby on my hands.  Everyone will be staring.  It is going to happen and I'm going to have to deal.  I bet I'll even live to tell about it.    

Reunion for Bradley Method Class from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.

We made it past the 6 week mark.  That is apparently a common milestone.  I think things have gotten better, as I'm not complaining about not getting enough sleep, and for the most part, we're having less fussiness-for-no-reason.  We can attribute most crying to being hungry, having a wet diaper, being too tired, or being just plain bored.   Many of the issues can be solved with the breast or the bouncy ball.  So, I guess it's pretty simple afterall. 

This week we had a visit from Miguel's parents and we all had a great time listening to new instruments and enjoying new meals like empanadas and chili rellenos. We visited the Museum of Radio and Electricity, Julioi taught Miguel a few tricks with the guitar, and everyone but Heather (enter crying sound here) went for a hike at Lake Padden.  On the final night, a celebratory cigar was smoked in celebration of their first granddaughter.

Linnea is starting to keep a fairly regular night schedule with 2 hours sleeping, 30 minutes nursing, which is bearable for me.  I'm even able to sleep during the nursing bit, which has greatly improved my overall sleeptime.  When I wake up, however, I usually have no idea what's going on or for how long it has been happening.  If Linnea is finished eating, I just close up the bar, slide her and her blanket up to the headboard, and return to a restful slumber as she sucks away on the pacifier.  We're finding that many times, she's just happy lying on her back and looking around at the various shapes of light in the room while sucking on her new pacifier friend.  

We think she's very cute.  We've decided to keep her.  Sorry Grandma :)

Grandma Diane and Grandpa Julio Visit In October from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.

Don't get me wrong.  Sometimes, we have good moments.  Sometimes she's awake and alert and looking around the room like she really, really loves the paint job we did on the door moulding (it's white).  Once in a while she'll actually go as far as to make eye contact - but that usually lies somewhere before or after a bowel movement like she's saying.  "Ok guys, this is what I've been waiting for...".  Yesterday, however, I was sitting with my inconsolable baby in the nice new glider rocker we bought just for her and thinking "I'm going to have to throw in the towel on this one.  I can't do it."  I got the earplugs out and put them in.  I wished I had a pair for Lucy, our dog.  She was looking at me like I was a complete idiot for keeping this crying thing around so long - especially since she herself is so super-obedient, quiet and lovely.  Lucy is utterly disgusted that we picked THIS one out, and are even letting "it" sleep in our bed EVERY night!

Yesterday (photo courtesy of Theresa Carpine)

I decided to take Linnea for a walk, which always calms her down.  This time however, was not just our routine walk around the neighborhood, I was on a mission to get something done - to buy stuff that might solve our crying problem - so I went downtown.  On my 3 or 4 hours of sleep, I was ready to try anything that might get this girl to sleep so I could lay down, even if it was on the sidewalk.  I got all ready to go with the mindset that I was just going to make it easy on myself and leave the dogs at home.  Lucy proceeded to jump and wag her tail and canter back and forth between me and the door.  Meanwhile, Linnea was screaming bloody murder and looking at me like "HOW do you not know what I'm telling you!  I've said it OVER and OVER and OVER...No Oh No, don't put me in that thing again...I"m not going to....Waaaaaaaaaaa."  Earplugs - check.

We got out the door, and Lucy's antics worked yet again.  I had dogs on a splitter leash, baby in the ERGO carrier (quieting down instantly), a hat for her, 2 bags for dog poop (I've learned to dislike picking up dog poop with a baby carrier on, although I'm pretty good at it), credit card, and cell phone just in case all hell broke loose.  Does AAA solve baby and dog problems on the road?

Luckily I had my Marcia Bloom skirt on, so there was a hint of goodness in the whole affair.  In about 10 minutes we were at the Co-op, our first stop.  Road construction meant I had to tie the dogs up in 2 different places because a door was locked - and I already had a bag of poop in tow with my one free hand, so that was awesome.  Once inside the building, I found the vitamins I came for and noticed an urge to pee along with a sudden onset of starvation, so I went to the deli and got a bean/rice wrap which I put in the microwave while I went to the bathroom.  Luckily I'm quick in the john and can do it with the baby carrier on.  Exit the bathroom, pick up the partially warmed wrap, and continue on.  Now I have a baby, 2 dogs and a wrap as I'm walking through the construction zone and Mocha and Lucy frequently decide to go to oppoisite sides of my legs, wrapping me up in the splitter leash - always convenient and pleasant with a skirt on.  I'm cursing to myself that I can't eat faster to get this wrap out of the way, and a lady passes by "Now there's a happy family huh?"  I smile and think to myself - "Am I really pulling this off?  It must be the skirt I'm wearing, because I feel like a dumbshit circus act over here.  And you think we're happy?  Yah sure, lady, talk to me tomorrow."  Still, it brings a smile to my face. 

We made the rounds and picked up an accessory infant insert for the baby carrier.  Somehow over the last week, I'd made up my mind that having this insert was going to solve all my baby problems.  I think I might have lost my cool if she said they were out.  Lucky for me, and her, they had one left - it was organic.  I couldn't have cared less.  Bought it, she showed me how to put Linnea in it, and we were out the door - Bam.  I stopped by Mindfly to visit.  Everyone was excited to see us.  Linnea stayed asleep the entire time and made me look like a big fat liar.   I continued on home, excited that once we would arrive, I'd have at least an hour's nap.  Linnea is still young and does not yet understand that although a walk is nice and relaxing for her, it STILL doesn't count as a "nap" for me.  I know this because she popped her eyes open as we rounded the last block to our house, and.....continued crying.  

I passed the baby off to Miguel after another feeding, thinking he'd have a quiet afternoon with her.  The kid hadn't slept more than 8 hours in the last day.  When I returned home at 5, Miguel had a sorry look on his face - almost as sorry as mine.  She'd only slept an hour or so, and was in the middle of another crying episode.  He'd tried all the tricks he had up his sleeve and hadn't gotten anything to work, let alone any of his grading done at home.  By 10:00 last night, we decided that it was actually very simple - our baby doesn't like us.   She didn't want to be picked up, didn't want to eat, didn't want to bounce, and didn't want to listen to our singing.  She wanted nothing to do with us, and was ready to cry until some new parents that actually knew what they were doing would come to rescue her.

Today:

Linnea is doing better today than she was yesterday.  Maybe she likes us a little bit.  Here's the scenario: She has a bath.  I use the blow dryer to get her hair standing straight up and out to the sides.  She looks very cute.  Then she starts her crying routine again.  I decide nothing is lost if I try the Ergo in a few new positions.  I taco her into the infant insert and slide her in sideways - crying and screaming all mighty the entire time - and all of a sudden there is less crying.  I tighten a strap and the room falls silent.  Eyes closed.  Lucy is totally shocked and in awe of my parenting prowess.  Linnea is totally zonked out - still.  I'm even sitting down.  This is a miracle - a gift from all our hard work yesterday. It's been an hour and FORTY minutes (and counting).  I even had time to write and edit this.  Thank you Ergo Baby Insert Gods (and Sydney for lending the carrier to us) - for now.

Linnea's Moods from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.

I have tons of cool gadgets with which I plan on capturing a very nice, cohesive history of Linnea's life, and the rest of mine.  I've always had a photo documentary of my life.  My parents kept album after ablum of photos from the day of my birth, and I looked through them often as I was growing up.  Once I got old enough, I got my own camera and started making gigantic scrapbooks full of photos, stickers, and other middle/high school paraphanelia that one might collect (keychains, movie stubs, friendship bracelets, etc.).  Thankfully we've moved into a new era of digitalous.  Everything has gotten smaller and supposidely "simpler".  I'm not so sure that is the case.

I have touted Flickr to friends and family and I've got about 2000 photos posted on my Flickr account.  I'm a big fan of being able to show my history to anyone who asks with a simple URL.  However, I can't help but feel that with all its advantages, the digital age has also taken something away - that simple ability to turn off the TV and plop down on the couch with a good old fashioned photo album.  I haven't made an album for about 8 years.  Everything is online.  I found a solution to that for our wedding, which was Mpix, a company that allows you to make a book and have it printed for a reasonable cost.  Awesome - there is my new ability to have something tangible, and I do go back and look at those books periodically.  The only problem is that it takes about 10 or 20 times longer to put together one of those books.  Time that is suddenly withering away with a newborn in hand. I'm working on a new book that is of Linnea's birth and first 5 days.  I have about 800 photos to choose from.  Ugh.

And with that said, I've also jumped into the realm of video.  Family video, that is.  I've got a Flip Video Camera now.  So far I've got about 35 different clips ov varying lenghts.  80% of them are of Linnea sleeping and doing absolutely nothing.  Hopefully I'll be more discretionary as time goes on, but at the moment, I've got a lot of footage to root through in order to make anything of any interest.  And in order to make a video by stitching together several little videos, I need even more time.  This is hard work.  Not to mention that I have a blog to keep up on top of all of that.  

Be ready for more stuff y'all, I'm jumping further into the technology quicksand.  There's bound to be some jewels in there, right?  

Linnea's Friends from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.

You've all heard it before - and we too have certainly heard that babies cry a lot, but now we're living it.  This totally sucks.  Why can't you reason with these tiny people?  It really can't be that bad, whatever is going on.  If I were to yell at the top of my lungs for hours on end like this, not only would my voice give out (and why don't theirs?), but people would be calling cops, psychiatrists, and tabloids to talk about the crazy woman who just won't shut up.  Freaking-A.

So, you've probably figured out by now that we've gone through a few crying spells that are totally bewildering (I can sense the smiling and nodding at our misfortune from all the more experienced parents out there).  The child is eating - or what seems to look and feel like eating - almost every hour, for about an hour.  Thus, if you do the math, you can probably figure out what I did this weekend.  She starts falling asleep to a point of heavy breathing, eyelids jiggling and that is when she's had me every damn time - I'm sure that this is the one.  This will be the time when she's absolutely exhausted and can't bear to be awake any longer - sleep (and quiet - some time to do something else) at last.  But NO.  She detaches and puts on this 'show' like she's coughing or really needs to be burped, so I lovingly put her upright and do a little back tapping, gently as to not disturb this little princess.  ONLY to have her start into the high voltage scream that makes the walls vibrate and the dogs cringe and run for the other room - even Mocha (who is deaf).  Seriously, by the look on Linnea's face, you'd think there was an eminent 9.0 earthquake or a black smoke monster on the way.  What is it?  Did I eat a piece of cabbage by mistake?  Are you too hot?  Do you have a blockage in your intestines that we should worry about?  Are you bored?  Whatever it is, we will fix it, but just give us a chance kid.  This audible torture is really unnecessary.

We've tried most things to calm her that we can possibly think of.  Feeding, swaddling, ball bouncing, feeding, dancing, going outside, taking a bath, loud classical music, feeding, finger in the mouth, standing next to the dryer, football hold, changing the diaper - again, all clothes off, feeding, bouncy chair...and the list goes on.  What kind of program is this?  We are merely 3 weeks into the project here, and already we're totally out of options.  We have at least 3 more weeks until we get to the "6-week stage" which is when people tell us it finally gets bearable.   Well that's enough to put a damper on...everything. 

At 10:00 tonight, I actually had her sleeping for about 5 minutes and thought - like a complete idiot - "Phwew, finally got her down, and it took me since 6:00 to get her to sleep."  Four hours seems like a long time, right?  Well now it is 11:15 and Miguel is taking his turn at it.  The "sleep" routine she pulled only lasted long enough to beat down my self-confidence a few more notches.  

So thanks parents, for all the forewarning.  We'll have you know that we're paying our dues...Although it is nothing a little sleep or a hard workout won't cure.  Oh wait...  

If I had to pick one thing...one thing that I love the most so far, it is having a little 7lb warm cooing, breathing, snoring baby Linnea sleeping on my chest.  The weight of her little body pressing on my lungs and her little hands and feet squirming periodically are so precious.  I love the small size of her feet and the softness - they are so soft! 

We love the moments, although at 2 weeks they are quick and not very often, moments when she's got her eyes wide open and she's content to just sit and make pleasant little faces.  Then there is the equally entertaining "just waking up phase", which can last up to 30 minutes.  She's like a human facial kalidescope.  She transforms the muscles and expressions on her face from one to the next.  There is the big "O" surprise look followed by the the pursed fish lips, the gangly grimmace, the almost crying, the half baked smile and the full facial yawn...all followed by her regular contented placid face.  Now that I have this flip video camera (coming soon!), you can see for yourselves.  I notice the little creases in her forehead that show when she opens her eyes as if a big surprise is coming - and sometimes there is a surprise, in her pants.  Sometimes when she's nursing, she'll cry out as if she got a sharp pain all of a sudden, and the next moment she'll stop sucking, open her eyes, and tense her whole body before letting out another surprise in her pants.  Miguel and I are good coaches in this arena saying things like "you go girl, I bet you've got more in there, let 'r rip".  Regardless of all the diaper filling, she's gained all of her birth weight back by now, and even a few extra ounces.  Doctor says she's lookin' good, and everything we're experiencing is in the "normal" range.  

Although it is said to be normal, the sleeping routine is a bit messed up at this point.  She's taking awesome, long naps in the daytime, which allows me plenty of time to sleep and work on odd jobs around the house, but at night, between 2 and 6am, she's wide awake.  Sort of.  She's got it figured out that if she cries she gets fed.  Therefore, if anything isn't going her way, she'll cry for more breastmilk no matter how much she's already eaten.  I feel like she's starting to force feed herself just to get back at us for not figuring out what she wants.  Last night she refused to go to sleep unless it was immediately after nursing - without burping - and only if I would be her mattress.  As I said at the beginning, this is one of my favorite things, but last night, it was the ONLY thing she would do, even as the clock ran past 2, 3, 4, and 5 am.  If I tried putting her in a bassinet - or even the loving arms of her devoted grandmother, she'd wake up wailing and screaming as if the house were on fire.  It is enough to make a person crazy.  Luckily we have the luxury of a child that does well with breastfeeding and has from the beginning.  At least I'm not up at all hours boiling bottles and hooking myself up to a pump - and I'm very thankful for that.

Linnea's Faces from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.