You've all heard it before - and we too have certainly heard that babies cry a lot, but now we're living it.  This totally sucks.  Why can't you reason with these tiny people?  It really can't be that bad, whatever is going on.  If I were to yell at the top of my lungs for hours on end like this, not only would my voice give out (and why don't theirs?), but people would be calling cops, psychiatrists, and tabloids to talk about the crazy woman who just won't shut up.  Freaking-A.

So, you've probably figured out by now that we've gone through a few crying spells that are totally bewildering (I can sense the smiling and nodding at our misfortune from all the more experienced parents out there).  The child is eating - or what seems to look and feel like eating - almost every hour, for about an hour.  Thus, if you do the math, you can probably figure out what I did this weekend.  She starts falling asleep to a point of heavy breathing, eyelids jiggling and that is when she's had me every damn time - I'm sure that this is the one.  This will be the time when she's absolutely exhausted and can't bear to be awake any longer - sleep (and quiet - some time to do something else) at last.  But NO.  She detaches and puts on this 'show' like she's coughing or really needs to be burped, so I lovingly put her upright and do a little back tapping, gently as to not disturb this little princess.  ONLY to have her start into the high voltage scream that makes the walls vibrate and the dogs cringe and run for the other room - even Mocha (who is deaf).  Seriously, by the look on Linnea's face, you'd think there was an eminent 9.0 earthquake or a black smoke monster on the way.  What is it?  Did I eat a piece of cabbage by mistake?  Are you too hot?  Do you have a blockage in your intestines that we should worry about?  Are you bored?  Whatever it is, we will fix it, but just give us a chance kid.  This audible torture is really unnecessary.

We've tried most things to calm her that we can possibly think of.  Feeding, swaddling, ball bouncing, feeding, dancing, going outside, taking a bath, loud classical music, feeding, finger in the mouth, standing next to the dryer, football hold, changing the diaper - again, all clothes off, feeding, bouncy chair...and the list goes on.  What kind of program is this?  We are merely 3 weeks into the project here, and already we're totally out of options.  We have at least 3 more weeks until we get to the "6-week stage" which is when people tell us it finally gets bearable.   Well that's enough to put a damper on...everything. 

At 10:00 tonight, I actually had her sleeping for about 5 minutes and thought - like a complete idiot - "Phwew, finally got her down, and it took me since 6:00 to get her to sleep."  Four hours seems like a long time, right?  Well now it is 11:15 and Miguel is taking his turn at it.  The "sleep" routine she pulled only lasted long enough to beat down my self-confidence a few more notches.  

So thanks parents, for all the forewarning.  We'll have you know that we're paying our dues...Although it is nothing a little sleep or a hard workout won't cure.  Oh wait...  

If I had to pick one thing...one thing that I love the most so far, it is having a little 7lb warm cooing, breathing, snoring baby Linnea sleeping on my chest.  The weight of her little body pressing on my lungs and her little hands and feet squirming periodically are so precious.  I love the small size of her feet and the softness - they are so soft! 

We love the moments, although at 2 weeks they are quick and not very often, moments when she's got her eyes wide open and she's content to just sit and make pleasant little faces.  Then there is the equally entertaining "just waking up phase", which can last up to 30 minutes.  She's like a human facial kalidescope.  She transforms the muscles and expressions on her face from one to the next.  There is the big "O" surprise look followed by the the pursed fish lips, the gangly grimmace, the almost crying, the half baked smile and the full facial yawn...all followed by her regular contented placid face.  Now that I have this flip video camera (coming soon!), you can see for yourselves.  I notice the little creases in her forehead that show when she opens her eyes as if a big surprise is coming - and sometimes there is a surprise, in her pants.  Sometimes when she's nursing, she'll cry out as if she got a sharp pain all of a sudden, and the next moment she'll stop sucking, open her eyes, and tense her whole body before letting out another surprise in her pants.  Miguel and I are good coaches in this arena saying things like "you go girl, I bet you've got more in there, let 'r rip".  Regardless of all the diaper filling, she's gained all of her birth weight back by now, and even a few extra ounces.  Doctor says she's lookin' good, and everything we're experiencing is in the "normal" range.  

Although it is said to be normal, the sleeping routine is a bit messed up at this point.  She's taking awesome, long naps in the daytime, which allows me plenty of time to sleep and work on odd jobs around the house, but at night, between 2 and 6am, she's wide awake.  Sort of.  She's got it figured out that if she cries she gets fed.  Therefore, if anything isn't going her way, she'll cry for more breastmilk no matter how much she's already eaten.  I feel like she's starting to force feed herself just to get back at us for not figuring out what she wants.  Last night she refused to go to sleep unless it was immediately after nursing - without burping - and only if I would be her mattress.  As I said at the beginning, this is one of my favorite things, but last night, it was the ONLY thing she would do, even as the clock ran past 2, 3, 4, and 5 am.  If I tried putting her in a bassinet - or even the loving arms of her devoted grandmother, she'd wake up wailing and screaming as if the house were on fire.  It is enough to make a person crazy.  Luckily we have the luxury of a child that does well with breastfeeding and has from the beginning.  At least I'm not up at all hours boiling bottles and hooking myself up to a pump - and I'm very thankful for that.

Linnea's Faces from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.