Don't get me wrong.  Sometimes, we have good moments.  Sometimes she's awake and alert and looking around the room like she really, really loves the paint job we did on the door moulding (it's white).  Once in a while she'll actually go as far as to make eye contact - but that usually lies somewhere before or after a bowel movement like she's saying.  "Ok guys, this is what I've been waiting for...".  Yesterday, however, I was sitting with my inconsolable baby in the nice new glider rocker we bought just for her and thinking "I'm going to have to throw in the towel on this one.  I can't do it."  I got the earplugs out and put them in.  I wished I had a pair for Lucy, our dog.  She was looking at me like I was a complete idiot for keeping this crying thing around so long - especially since she herself is so super-obedient, quiet and lovely.  Lucy is utterly disgusted that we picked THIS one out, and are even letting "it" sleep in our bed EVERY night!

Yesterday (photo courtesy of Theresa Carpine)

I decided to take Linnea for a walk, which always calms her down.  This time however, was not just our routine walk around the neighborhood, I was on a mission to get something done - to buy stuff that might solve our crying problem - so I went downtown.  On my 3 or 4 hours of sleep, I was ready to try anything that might get this girl to sleep so I could lay down, even if it was on the sidewalk.  I got all ready to go with the mindset that I was just going to make it easy on myself and leave the dogs at home.  Lucy proceeded to jump and wag her tail and canter back and forth between me and the door.  Meanwhile, Linnea was screaming bloody murder and looking at me like "HOW do you not know what I'm telling you!  I've said it OVER and OVER and OVER...No Oh No, don't put me in that thing again...I"m not going to....Waaaaaaaaaaa."  Earplugs - check.

We got out the door, and Lucy's antics worked yet again.  I had dogs on a splitter leash, baby in the ERGO carrier (quieting down instantly), a hat for her, 2 bags for dog poop (I've learned to dislike picking up dog poop with a baby carrier on, although I'm pretty good at it), credit card, and cell phone just in case all hell broke loose.  Does AAA solve baby and dog problems on the road?

Luckily I had my Marcia Bloom skirt on, so there was a hint of goodness in the whole affair.  In about 10 minutes we were at the Co-op, our first stop.  Road construction meant I had to tie the dogs up in 2 different places because a door was locked - and I already had a bag of poop in tow with my one free hand, so that was awesome.  Once inside the building, I found the vitamins I came for and noticed an urge to pee along with a sudden onset of starvation, so I went to the deli and got a bean/rice wrap which I put in the microwave while I went to the bathroom.  Luckily I'm quick in the john and can do it with the baby carrier on.  Exit the bathroom, pick up the partially warmed wrap, and continue on.  Now I have a baby, 2 dogs and a wrap as I'm walking through the construction zone and Mocha and Lucy frequently decide to go to oppoisite sides of my legs, wrapping me up in the splitter leash - always convenient and pleasant with a skirt on.  I'm cursing to myself that I can't eat faster to get this wrap out of the way, and a lady passes by "Now there's a happy family huh?"  I smile and think to myself - "Am I really pulling this off?  It must be the skirt I'm wearing, because I feel like a dumbshit circus act over here.  And you think we're happy?  Yah sure, lady, talk to me tomorrow."  Still, it brings a smile to my face. 

We made the rounds and picked up an accessory infant insert for the baby carrier.  Somehow over the last week, I'd made up my mind that having this insert was going to solve all my baby problems.  I think I might have lost my cool if she said they were out.  Lucky for me, and her, they had one left - it was organic.  I couldn't have cared less.  Bought it, she showed me how to put Linnea in it, and we were out the door - Bam.  I stopped by Mindfly to visit.  Everyone was excited to see us.  Linnea stayed asleep the entire time and made me look like a big fat liar.   I continued on home, excited that once we would arrive, I'd have at least an hour's nap.  Linnea is still young and does not yet understand that although a walk is nice and relaxing for her, it STILL doesn't count as a "nap" for me.  I know this because she popped her eyes open as we rounded the last block to our house, and.....continued crying.  

I passed the baby off to Miguel after another feeding, thinking he'd have a quiet afternoon with her.  The kid hadn't slept more than 8 hours in the last day.  When I returned home at 5, Miguel had a sorry look on his face - almost as sorry as mine.  She'd only slept an hour or so, and was in the middle of another crying episode.  He'd tried all the tricks he had up his sleeve and hadn't gotten anything to work, let alone any of his grading done at home.  By 10:00 last night, we decided that it was actually very simple - our baby doesn't like us.   She didn't want to be picked up, didn't want to eat, didn't want to bounce, and didn't want to listen to our singing.  She wanted nothing to do with us, and was ready to cry until some new parents that actually knew what they were doing would come to rescue her.

Today:

Linnea is doing better today than she was yesterday.  Maybe she likes us a little bit.  Here's the scenario: She has a bath.  I use the blow dryer to get her hair standing straight up and out to the sides.  She looks very cute.  Then she starts her crying routine again.  I decide nothing is lost if I try the Ergo in a few new positions.  I taco her into the infant insert and slide her in sideways - crying and screaming all mighty the entire time - and all of a sudden there is less crying.  I tighten a strap and the room falls silent.  Eyes closed.  Lucy is totally shocked and in awe of my parenting prowess.  Linnea is totally zonked out - still.  I'm even sitting down.  This is a miracle - a gift from all our hard work yesterday. It's been an hour and FORTY minutes (and counting).  I even had time to write and edit this.  Thank you Ergo Baby Insert Gods (and Sydney for lending the carrier to us) - for now.

Linnea's Moods from Heather Alvis on Vimeo.